Hello P-assengers! Welcome again with our weekly article. How was your day? Are you happy today? We wish everything that happened today could make you feel grateful and happy! But if it doesn’t happen that way, that’s fine! A bad day doesn’t mean a bad life. We still have another day to go on!
We’re curious when your day went terribly, what’s the reason behind it? Is it because you went to the events you didn’t really want to? Or doing things that people asked you, but you can’t say no about it? P-assengers, if this happens to you, it could be a sign that you are a people-pleaser. You might’ve heard about it right? A people-pleaser is those who abandoned their feelings, desire, or needs for the sake of people’s happiness and satisfaction. You try to be liked by everyone, put other people first, and make them happy when you don’t even feel the same way.
If this is related to you, then this article is a sign that you need to stop putting other people’s needs and desires first and start putting yourself before them. You need to start to set boundaries with yourself. People might talk a lot about “setting boundaries, but what does that mean? Carla Marie Manly, a Ph.D. clinical psychologist in Sonoma Country, said that “boundaries are the separations that humans need–mentally, emotionally, and physically–to feel safe, valued, and respected.”
Basically, boundaries are limits we set with ourselves around what we will or will not tolerate. Most of the time we didn’t set or put down our boundaries, so some people will cross the line, we will try to overcommit and to please also make everyone happy. Then, in the end, we will get hurt and feel like a loser.
So, is it THAT important to set our boundaries? Is it okay to say no to something that you’re not capable of?
P-assengers, setting your boundaries is a part of self-care and the journey of loving ourselves. Yes, boundaries are very important because it helps us create a clear guideline for how we would like to be treated. Boundaries let others know what is acceptable and what is not. It honors our needs, wants, and feeling so that we feel respected, safe, and loved. It also helps to avoid burnout, stress, and anxiety. And it’s TOTALLY FINE to say NO to something you’re not capable of. Their feelings are never your responsibility. Your responsibility is your feeling, action, and needs.
That’s okay. We will help you to get on to the journey of setting your boundaries! Let’s take back our power, and control how we spend our time instead of giving it to everyone. Stop depleting ourselves and give us what we need because we have to look to ourselves. Because we are our number one best friend, partner, and supporter!
First step: Self-awareness
You need to know yourself first, you need to know how you feel about yourself. so you know how to set your boundaries. Visualize them as clearly as possible to make them definite. You could ask yourself some of these questions:
1. What makes me feel safe and supported?
2. What causes my stress?
3. What’s my desire?
4. What are my needs?
5. What do I look forward to each day?
6. What areas of my life do I feel exhausted by?
If we are not often asking those questions ourselves, people might cross the line. If we don’t decide, people are going to decide for us.
Second step: Communicate and express your desire
One of the biggest mistakes we make is setting boundaries in our minds but not openly sharing them with the people in our life. Sometimes we think they could read our minds so they know our boundaries. But if we didn’t clearly communicate where we have drawn the line, how could they know if they’ve overstepped it? If they didn’t know it at all, they’re going to push for what they want, and that’s just how it is.
Take a deep breath. We know it might be challenging and scary, but this is your time to express your honest opinion, thoughts, and how you feel. Communicate your boundaries as clearly, honestly, and kindly as possible. Because fortunately, once someone is aware of your boundaries, most people will respect them and apologize if they accidentally cross the line, and without clear communication, the line can be blurred.
Third Step: Stop keeping everything at its peace.
Trust us, we know harmony in a relationship is all costs, but if we try to aim for harmony always, it comes at a very high price. People are not stable every time, and we can’t even control it. We are not always going to be liked by everybody. Tell them your ‘no’ right now. Tell them you’re not comfortable, or not available for some things you can’t seem to keep up with. Tell them even if it makes them mad, hurt, or sad. Because their feeling, is never your responsibility, and you have to be okay with that.
Fourth Step: It’s okay to say no.
Saying no to everything that crossed your boundaries and responsibility is an expression of courage, self-love, and stateliness over your daily decisions. It’ll take time, but that’s passable. It’s something that does get easier with practice. You could say “No, but thank you.” “No. I’m not available, but thanks for considering me.” You will start to feel so much freer and easier. because you’ll only say YES to things you TRULY WANT. Say no with grace and gratitude. Ok, P-assengers?
All of these steps would come back to self-love. Learning to know yourself, treat your well-being, protect yourself, be kind to yourself, and makes yourself feel supported, safe, and valuable. Because people try everything at their best for themselves, and so are you. You have to take care of yourself and get your own back.
It takes time and adaptation. But we’re learning this together. Once you could communicate your boundaries, you’re going to feel so much freer, you’re going to feel so good at putting yourself first.
We hope this article would help your journey in self-love and stop people pleasing. Thank you for your time, P-assengers! Don’t forget to check the articles we have. Have a wonderful day, and see you in the next article! Ciao, P-assengers!
References:
1. https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2021/07/01/the-importance-of-setting-healthy-boundaries/?sh=47108d4e56e4
2. https://www.realsimple.com/health/mind-mood/emotional-health/how-to-set-boundaries
3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIVdn_Zmyxo&t=150s
4. https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-set-boundaries/
